Laurel Portman

"Is there something I can do for you? Yes. Is there something I will do for you? Quite unlikely, but it's worth a shot."

Laurel is pushing 300 and is a lover of Hot Topic, insincerity, and watching their victims bleed out on the floor while they watch TV. He's also a seasoned connoisseur of the backhanded compliment and a force to be reckoned with. Tread lightly. Or not...