Paper Shakespeare: Loves Labor(s) Lost

Hear ye, hear ye! The Royal Court is going on a three-year expedition to study ruins of ancient importance! The King and his fellow diggers have sworn off any romantic entanglements, lest you end up in the stocks! This is purely a scientific pursuit, devoid of the carnal excuses of the flesh! While the body pines, the mind shall banquet!

Yeah, let's see how long that lasts.